So here I am, with you, and all that shit seems to have disappeared. I am sitting at the computer, the headphones are on and I am listening to It’s Been Awhile by Staind. I quite like this song, I find a lot of myself in it.
Anyway, it’s been a while since I last wrote anything, last October in fact. I’ve been struggling to write anything since then. I’ve started many times but never get past the first few lines. Was chatting to a friend in Melbourne the other day and he said to just sit down and write. So here I am. I may not make much sense as I haven’t thought of anything to write about so, to fit in with my blog title, here are some ramblings of a man just trying to survive and keep himself together.
One of the things I have found over the last year on twitter is that there are many, many people who struggle in a similar way as I do. Each person has their own way of trying to cope. Some have a pet that helps. Some do exercise. I listen to music and write. Some of my writing ends up here. I find it interesting that the choice of music for me does not seem to matter (except polka maybe, I don’t listen to polka). My music tastes are very eclectic; I listen to anything from opera to classical to heavy metal and everything in between (did I mention that I don’t listen to polka?). And when I write the world just seems to disappear and I am here, with you, in the words I write and the songs I am listening to. I should be able to sleep well tonight.
A friend just sent me a text and asked “Why do we pretend to be what we are not?”. I was unable to provide an answer. Her answer “To make everyone else feel happy”. Do we do that? Do I do that? And does that affect me? If I am being honest I am pretending to be someone else to please my family and friends. How does that affect me? Sometimes I struggle to talk. Scared to say things. Things that may hurt. Things that may cause conflict. Things that may have big consequences. So I will keep my mouth shut and continue pretending.
Anyway, it’s past my bedtime, again. So hopefully I will be back again soon.
A rambling man,